When Coveting Goes Too Far

There’s something that’s been going on for a while, and I need to talk about it. In the past six months or so, I’ve been noticing a lot of interesting shifts in the blogging community. It’s certainly different now than it was two years ago, much of it is great, as it’s gained popularity, quality of photos, etc. With that popularity, I’ve noticed a certain amount of envy/comparing and even negative comments.

I’ve never compared myself to models or movie actresses, but in the blog world it’s different.. when we’re talking about ‘real people’ the lines somehow get fuzzy.

I can’t say that it hasn’t affected me… these days it’s been very difficult to post personal style pictures. I used to do it almost every day, and now (aside from the Halloween Series) it’s gone down to once a week, and I’ve even thought of cutting out the today’s attire series completely, had it not been the very backbone of the blog’s humble beginning.

On the surface, I really think it is because in effort to ‘keep up’ with all the other blogs, who are younger, prettier, thinner, richer than me I get really uncomfortable, when I compare myself to them. I think about how hard I work to be ‘half as good as they are’… I don’t want to do it, but it happens, and it’s the worst feeling.

I’ve never compared myself to models or movie actresses, but in the blog world it’s different.. when we’re talking about ‘real people’ the lines somehow get fuzzy. It’s strange because in reality there is always going to be someone younger, prettier and more stylish than you/me and everyone else. I’m not old. I’m not overweight. My closet is overflowing.

Let’s just stop here, draw the line, because the problem isn’t outside it’s within.

The good news is, if the problem is within, then it can be changed.

Envy is never a good thing. I see it all the time, both on and offline. And when I feel it, it’s like a burning poison. It taints everything around it, where there is beauty turns ugly, and where there is happiness is anger.

The truth is, everyone has their own path.. no one has things easier than another person, and we each have our own gifts to bring to the world. It is however, important to look at why these jealous feelings are surfacing, is it insecurity? is it fear of failure? What can I do to change those feelings…oh yeah, that’s right, look at all the things I have to be grateful for.

Perspective

Envy/jealousy/cattiness whatever you want to call it, often comes from this idea that somehow love is somehow limited, when in fact it’s unlimited, it’s everywhere and in everything.

Envy/jealousy/cattiness whatever you want to call it, often comes from this idea that somehow love is somehow limited, when in fact it’s unlimited, it’s everywhere and in everything.

It’s really easy to have a distorted vision of reality when everyone is young and pretty and impeccably dressed, when all you see is the happy side of things… the reality is that it doesn’t really exist. People are photoshopped, they get hangovers, they have credit card bills. Everyone has their own obstacles.

When it comes to measuring success, it’s also important to realize, that though there are people who experience success quite quickly, early successes doesn’t always equate with real success. And in this day of instant everything, the truth is that the worlds greatest successes didn’t happen over night… and they didn’t occur without setbacks and temporary failures. Real success occurs over a lifetime, it’s a journey, and if you really look at it, there are multiple ways of measuring it.

So instead of being judge, jury and executioner in my own mind, it’s important to take a step back and look at what’s really important.

Gratitude

With all the world’s problems…taking an inventory of all the wonderful things in my life is never a bad idea. My family, my friends, my loving boyfriend… the roof over my head, the time I have to dedicate to this blog, the woods outside my house, running around trying to catch falling leaves. My health, my relative intelligence… all of which are things to be grateful for, and those I just thought off the top of my head. Even when times look really tough, the good thing about gratitude, is there is always something to be grateful for.

Further reading:

Here are some things I like to read whenever I am going through periods of self-doubt.

Malcom Gladwell : Late Bloomers
How to be an Expert
Dealing with Envy/Jealousy about Beauty on Steve Pavlina
Dealing With Jealousy (Buddhism)